Welcome to Ukraine – You’re arrested! (Sheepy Dalek Russian Style)

Nothing is like the smell of a Motorcade in Depresneyville in the morning. Remember that when people shoot at you, they just wish to greet you welcome to Ukraine.

Ukraine is a wonderful country. It is filled with Soviet-style concrete buildings in a particularly dusty version of grey. Do not forget to check out the internationally renowned collection of potholes in the road.

Oh, and never ever go anywhere without a passport, you will need it. Wonder about all of the security guards? Feel assured, you will understand why as gentle hands liberate you of your wallet and your watch. The money you think? Forget about them, you will not have any quickly.

A wise man get a Russian speaking translator from Russia, have him or hear rent some guys from the Militia (cost is about 500 dollars for a week) and you will be travelling in your own private motorcade and feel like the President of Depresneyville.

You should though be prepared for the Highway Patrol trying to rob your motorcade. So, whatever you do, rent a highly armored car of Teutonic origin. Mercedes are good cars to armor. The “Dong” in the side of the car is just the Ukrainian way of greeting tourists.

As you get tired of running around in your Motorcade feeling like the President of Depresneyville you might want to sneak away on your own. Then you will notice that what you thought are police is in fact a modern version of highwaymen. Expect to be arrested once a day. So whatever you do, carry your passport. A friendly hint, when arrested, put on your most unintelligent tourist expression, just talk a lot in a friendly manner in any language except Russian, after a while they understand that they you will not give them you hard earned cash. They might though beat you up and just take it, but that rarely happens unless you go into the suburbs.

Shopping is really good in Kiev, you can get anything from Dior to a Lamborghini. I made a wrong turn and bought this baby. Currently stuck in customs in Sweden.

What is then good in Ukraine? Well, the official travel brochure goes into great detail about the beautiful women, and how easy it is to find one for hire… But for a rather prim Swede, that is not it, more like yet another sad detail.

For me it is that it is so ugly and horrible that it has its own weird sense of beauty. Also, the people are really friendly, and behind their sad and depressed eyes often live a poet.

CARL

P.S. I will be back in the end of the week and the posting will resume to more normal amounts. D.S.

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288 thoughts on “Welcome to Ukraine – You’re arrested! (Sheepy Dalek Russian Style)

  1. Has anyone heard from Carl? Has he been arrested again? I Only have a vague idea of what he looks like from a photo of him dressed in a suit…….. I sincerely hope this smuggled film from the sort of place he bought his tank from is not him!!!
    My fears are aroused by the bit of the film at the end where he so expertly demonstrates how the weapons should be used correctly………Carl was…. erm! I mean is …..always so willing to help people out… (Sigh)

    PS No offence intended to any Ukrainian or Russian readers.. This is just silly English Humour 🙂

        • Diana, sorry for the delayed reply, was making coffee. I am In Vancouver,Canada. its friday morning here. Not sure of the date, its been a crazy week for me.

        • Oh hattie it’s beautiful there. I wanted to go to Vancouver university like my cousin, to study geology there, but Shell and BP told me they didn’t sponsor women as the conditions in the field were not suitable for them!!! How things have changed since the early ’60s

        • Yes It is beautiful here in Vancouver. I lived up north near Prince Rupert for a number of years; it is so pristine. Our house is on a tidal inlet. The tides have a 20 ft difference from high to low so it went from small creek to almost a lake in front of our house.The island is remote, 20 plus miles down the inside passage, and has only about 20 permanent residents. Behind the house the mountains rise up to about 2000 ft I think. There are walk ways and trails, beaver ponds, and salmon come up the river to spawn once a year. The wolves you would see occasionally are wary but beautiful creatures .There is nothing like listening to them howl on a misty night. Sometimes you would even get the Aurora Borealis. Shopping though involves a couple mile walk, 20 mile sail, and scaling the dock ramps which at low tide where steep (I am afraid of heights), taxi to town, grocery shop for a month, then back in a taxi, hump 15 to 20 boxes of food to the boat, and off you go sailing again. There are no houses, nothing on the trip back, you travel down channels. The coast on one side with its mountains, snow caped for a good part of the year, and islands on the other. Once right in front of us a couple of big dear jumped in the water and started to make a mad dash for the mainland, a couple of wolves in hot pursuit. Anyways hope I am not boring you with my reminiscing. I haven’t been there in years as we bought a boat and went sailing in the Caribbean. Oh and Diana it sounds great, and could have been, but alas my knight in shining armour was more of a Wormtongue, so right now I am hanging out with my boys in Vancouver, trying to figure out what to do with my life. E-gadz… Te he he, guess I had too much to drink and just got rambling on.. Hick….I think attitudes towards girls have changed a lot over the years, and for the better.

    • I think he’s supposed to be flying back to Sweden today, so maybe there’s just flight delays due to the storm going across central&northern Europe today… Hopefully…

  2. IT’S RAINING!!!!
    First decent rain for weeks, we need about a month like this to prevent a hosepipe ban next year!!!
    I think I know what Carl’s doing – bought a submersible and is off Bob having a look and not told us!!!

  3. With all the snow and storms and wind, I think we need a bit of lively music here tonight. Anyone for some samba? 🙂

  4. A found these in relatives while searching for animals and there magnetic senses,
    A topic that was discussed a while ago.

    Earthquake Prediction by Animals: Evolution and Sensory Perception (no full access unless you have a account)
    http://www.bssaonline.org/content/90/2/312.abstract

    Increases in energy intake, insulin resistance and stress in rats before Wenchuan earthquake far from the epicenter (full)
    http://ebm.rsmjournals.com/content/235/10/1216.full

  5. Any one followed Comet Lovejoy yesterday?!
    I did, although i am wondering if it Reached magnitude -4 like some predicted.
    This would make the comet visible in daytime, did anyone see anything near the sun around 00:00 – 02:00 UTC ?

    anyway here is a video of the comet showing on the SDO telescopes (one of (i think there was 1 before or at least the impact or something like that) the first captured on it.

      • basically if it did become visible for the naked eye it would have been visible around roughly these dark and light borders. and by roughly i mean this picture is taken from about 1 hour after the comet passed the back of the sun ( it also took about 2 hours for it to disappear and come back)

        For observers in North America, the comet will rise approximately 5 to 10 minutes before dawn and will be situated to the upper right of the sun. If Lovejoy is still shining at least as brightly as Venus, it may be visible, experts say.

        You could also try to spot Lovejoy after the sun comes up, if you’re exceedingly careful. Block the rising sun behind a distant building and focus on the part of the sky 3 to 4 degrees above and to the right of the sun (your clenched fist held at arm’s length is equal to roughly 10 degrees). CAUTION: Never point binoculars or a telescope at or near the sun, and never look directly at our star with the naked eye. Serious eye damage can result.

        And don’t get your hopes up, either. The comet may well be too faint to see, experts say.

        a wrap up of it all to read all about it:
        http://www.space.com/13959-doomed-comet-lovejoy-sun-encounter-wrap.html

        Newly discovered comet Lovejoy plunged through the sun’s corona at about 7 p.m. EST today (midnight GMT on Dec. 16), coming within 87,000 miles (140,000 kilometers) of our star’s surface. Temperatures in the corona can reach 2 million degrees Fahrenheit (1.1 million degrees Celsius), so most researchers expected the icy wanderer to be completely destroyed.

        But Lovejoy proved to be made of tough stuff. A video taken by NASA’s Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO) spacecraft showed the icy object emerging from behind the sun and zipping back off into space.

    • Lovejoy is in a family of comets called Kreutz Sungrazers. Several comets throughout history are believed to be in this family and may be fragments from an original comet of about 100 km across a couple of thousand years ago.

      Lovejoy was reported to have a fragmentary comet traveling in tandem with is, a characteristic common to the family.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kreutz_Sungrazers

  6. Oke so this one is a bit off topic so its going in the bar.
    First debris from Japan Earthquake/Tsunami already reached the U.S west coast.
    They think there is a patch of debris out there with the size of California.

    NOAA(http://marinedebris.noaa.gov/info/japanfaqs.html#2):
    How much debris is there? Is there a debris field?

    First, the debris is not in a “debris field” rather, there are many items scattered across a large area of the North Pacific. The debris clumped together when it first washed into the ocean, but it has since dispersed, making it very difficult to locate. Some items may break apart into smaller pieces or sink, depending on what the item is made of. It is very difficult to detect individual pieces of debris with satellite imagery.

    5 to 20 million tons of Japan tsunami marine debris?

    We were unable to find the source of the figures quoted in the media of five to 20 million tons of marine debris generated by the Japan tsunami. A figure of 25 million tons has been mentioned in the media, but that is an estimate of the total quantity of debris from the disaster (Ministry of the Environment, Government of Japan).

    Is the debris radioactive?

    The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and U.S. Food and Drug Administration are monitoring for radioactivity. It is considered highly unlikely the tsunami-generated marine debris would be contaminated with radioactive material. Because the debris was washed out to sea before the release of radioactive water from the power plant, the contamination route is improbable. Additionally, radioactivity of debris sighted by the Russian ship STS Pallada in September 2011 was measured by the crew with a Geiger counter. Results showed no radioactivity.

    • Diana
      This is super!!
      I like ABBA and this is very similar, it could almost be one of their’s!!
      Thanks for posting it 😀

  7. Heavens, we’re in early for a drink today!
    Lovely Icelandic video, Diana.
    May I wish everyone the warmest greetings and a safe holiday, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.
    We’ve had an early warm spell in South Australia and we’re expecting 36°C for Xmas eve; 30°C for Xmas day and then all the way down to 24°C for the 26th! So it’s great to hear about the cooler weather ‘way up North’. Xmas here certainly doesn’t feel as it did in when I was growing up in Wales – then it was cold, wet and generally dark by 4.30pm! Time to check on Iceland web-cams to get me in the mood…..

    Nadolig llawen a blwyddyn newydd dda

  8. Geez …… just spent happy two hours decorating the tree … left the room for two minutes …. just enough time for the cat to climb up, get tangled in the tinsel and bring the whole thing crashing down on to the carpet! Is the bar open?

    • Suzie. I share your pain. I think that whether or not the bar is open, you should get stuck in to the egg nog (or the mulled wine ) 😉

        • The hedgehogs in my garden all hibernate as soon as the temperatures drop. If it becomes mild they wake and I leave some dog food out for them so they can survive the long winter. I have a male and a female that live in and around my garden. Also Badgers, they hibernate too. Here is a picture caught by the stealth Camera I fixed up.

    • Wrapping presis, Putting trees back up. Cleaning the house for the family coming over ………. Thank heavens for a glass of wine or 2 🙂 I suspect everyone else is doing much the same Nosey Nellie

      • Haha….probably so… Luckily we do not have guests, we are visiting the family this christmas. so no preparations nor dirty dishes for us! What will you all be doing these days?

        • Evening All, just got back from work. Shoppings done… Phew x.
          I’m having Champagne, nibbles and presents with my lovely lady tomorrow evening after work. Then we both working Xmas evening and Boxing Day morning… (it’s double time X) Roast Lamb and all the trimmings with Lizzie’s mum Boxing Day evening, a couple of days to chillax then back to work x Then on New Years Eve we having full on Christmas celebration with Lizzie’s Brother, Sister in Law and nephew, Lizzie’s mum has been planning for months 😀

        • Oh, let her spoil you. My parents are at my guest. It is Christmas Eve, pickled herring and potatoes. It is the first holiday duck, red cabbage and dumplings. On 2 Holiday meal, we go away. I also must not wash, does Minna (dishwasher)

        • Grrrh, google translator! We eat fried potatoes with pickled herring. And it is first Christmas Day and 2nd Christmas day. Hopefully it is now better understood.

        • Bunty is 81, and each year has to be better than the last or she’s disapointed. We all peel vegtables and clean up etc etc etc but Bunty is head chef x She’s a fantastic cook though, nearly as good as my dear old Mum was. She always went full throttle for Christmas too X

        • Well, otherwise my daughter comes and spoil yourself. This year she has to work the holidays. We go to the Christmas party at her. Otherwise, we celebrate with three generations.

        • Tomorrow I make a very large ham and egg pie for boxing day (The day after Christmas day ) and the trifle for Christmas day and I do last minute buying of milk and cream etc…and make mince pies too.
          On Boxing day I put out a table with a buffet… cheeses, home made breads, crackers, cold meats, salads and other party type food.. I have an open house, everyone is welcome to just nibble or eat more……
          Christmas day I make a traditional English meal of roast beef, roast Pork and specially prepared chicken portions, vegetables that I have grown ,some frozen from summer other like artichokes and cabbages I can dig up tomorrow. Roast potatoes and parsnips and to finish a Christmas pudding (with silver coins hidden in it for luck )…or a black forest gateaux (very large ) or trifle, (Some people manage a bit of everything!! ) ..then cheeses and crackers and coffee……Then collapse on sofa and loosen belts 🙂

  9. Evening One and All
    Happy christmas and have a good one!!
    Any single malt going?
    What is it with cats and food – one of ours – rather large jet black chap at 18 lbs!! – has been tasting salmon tart that was cooling for our tea!!
    TTFN

  10. No alcohol for me thank you….. I will just have a nice hot cup of Cocoa….early start for me tomorrow.
    I don’t have a cat…the husband has a habit of eating stuff put aside for Christmas day.. and small children are just as good as cats playing with the tree when they think nobody is looking…..:)

  11. I’m afraid mine is a coffee….no alcohol for a bit as I am on antibiotics (ear infection). Should be able to indulge by Boxing Day (26/12/2011).

    Off to bed early, so shleep tight all.

      • In the UK Boxing day is the day after Christmas day and is a National holiday. Nobody is quite sure why it’s called Boxing day Some say it is because Servants and trades people were given boxes of food and clothes as a gift from their employers or
        The boxes that collected money during the Christmas day service in churches were opened and the money distributed to the poor on the day after Christmas, which is also St Stephen’s day.

  12. Am I too late for a ‘nightcap’ before bed ? Tree, sadly a little mangled and missing a few branches, is back in place! The fairy on top is looking a tad pale and wan and the cat has been duly chastised – she is now asleep on my bed blissfully unaware of the chaos she caused!

      • Oh, Schteve, they DO care! I’m sure they do it on purpose to put us back in our rightful place on the human-feline interface. They revel in the chaos caused – the smug little smile on a little feline face says it all. As my cat settles down each night on ‘her half’ of my bed, the little feline smile says ” I’ve got you exactly where I want you” …… and she drifts off in a contented sleep.
        And we’ll also be having duck for Xmas lunch……she likes duck.

        • schteve your dad is so right about that,
          (guess i have to choose my words carefully here at this point hope it doesn’t come out wrong :$ )
          and i want to add the females are “worse” in having servants. for all cats i have had currently and in the past, the males i could pick up drop on my lap and cuddle with. though the females only really come at there own terms. you can pick them up but will walk away but then they will sit there and wait till you almost give up. and hop there they come, only if they want though xD.

        • My most beloved cat, the cat of all my time, was not like a cat at all. He loved me and waited for me each day to come home, a chronicle that my family told me. He followed me around the house relentlessly supervising my activities. He came when he was called, rolled over on command (a trick he taught himself) and played hide and seek with such intelligence it was uncanny. He was learning to open doors in his old age. My most cherished memory of my cat was one day when my boy was sitting at a table crying, and my cat got on the table, peered in his face, lay down and put his foot on my child’s hand. There is not quite as much difference between humans and animals as we humans would believe. At least, that is my belief.

        • Betty, we also have a unique cat. He is the love off my sons life. Against all the odds the cat survived a terrible infection that he received at birth, but it deformed him, blowing the bones apart in his leg at one week old. He has a will of iron, the night he fought for his life I saw such determination, It was amazing. The cat adores my son, he is always with him, and if they are apart he pines for him. They have a truly beautiful friendship. He is the smallest of the three cats and three legged, but is the alpha male. Peg is also not like a cat, he comes when called, and is very intelligent. I believe as you do, that there isn’t as much difference as people think between us and animals. Just language.

        • Oh, I am loving all of the cat stories here! I have had cats nearly all of my life, and I currently have two, a male and a female. I wanted to second what Sativacyborg said above about their respective personalities. My boy cat is so cuddly and loving that he always purrs when I pick him up. The one time he didn’t purr I knew that he was sick, and it turned out that he was indeed a very sick little boy. After a week and a four figure vet bill, he was recovering from surgery and back to his usual purry self. My female is more aloof, she does not like to be held, but follows me around and will meow to be petted. She has made it clear that all attention must be on her terms. Thanks for all the cat posts, folks, this site never fails to entertain me!

    • One of mine has just eaten the sparkly string stuff that I had spent hours artfully adorning the newly wrapped presents with. And then sicked it up on the carpet. Don’t you just love them. :). My most festive ‘cat occasion’ was when one of them ate the tinsel from the tree and then the tinsel slowly re-appeared out of the other end. Very clean and sparkly. Very festive. Very embarrassed cat . 🙂 Night all.

    • No you are not to late, as Carl says: “The bar is ALWAYS open!”
      But you might have to wake up the bartender first as he made a lot of Eggnog and fell asleep behind the bar afterwards.

    • Don’t get me wrrong x I like cats (more than dogs) but they’re one of the big factors in the ongoing depletion of songbirds… where we live is (basically ) in/on 2 rows of terraced houses, all with gardens behind, so we have a large, enclosed green space… the tom cats are fierce, they argue all the time… Apart from seagulls, pigeons and crows, there are very few birdies around here (Brighton in SE England) 8)

      • I grew up in England near cambridge, I remember the finches, robins, sparrows and the noisy crows. Over here in Canada we have different critters altogether, bald eagles, magpies, and hummingbirds to name a few. Humming birds though are very territorial. Once one hid in some bushes in front off our house, when another humming bird approached to feed the darn bird in hiding shot out like an attack helicopter and chased it away, only to then return to hide and attack again.

        • I used to have very large Christmas lights (old fashioned kind) on my house. One year, I left them up. I noticed that a pair of hummingbirds came every day to check the lights to see if they had opened up yet. We took the lights down and put up a hummingbird feeder. What a show! They defend that feeder from all comers. They are unafraid of me and come to the feeder oblivious of how close I am. Maybe they’re just protecting the feeder from me! Their wings sound like giant bugs. They are amazing. They are very spoiled. Perhaps not even the original birds, but maybe relatives.

      • i actually caught one of my males (sadly died to young) with a seagull once it was a kind of awful sight he was like a “felix” cat black and white the part from his chin and belly was not white anymore and when he saw me he came right to me giving his present.
        you can really see that they love you when they come home with there freshly caught sea gulls and probably in a cats way say, please dear servant i want some sea gull to night, could you make some?

        • Oh wow a seagull thats a big bird for a cat. One of our cats made me laugh so hard once. We were living in a boat yard in Trinidad at the time, and adopted one off the stray cats. Well Hattie was a yard cat and had survived on rats, birds, and all kinds of garbage, she wasn’t a pampered princess, more of a biker girl. To make a long story short, one night, a strong wind picked up, things were flying around everywhere and a big goose of some kind escaped from its cage. Well she started the hunt, approached it stalking on her belly, got half way towards it, stopped and sat bolt upright, looked, looked again, and then ran back full tilt and hid. I think she first thought, ha dinner, then stopped and went oh no I am dinner, and ran like the wind. I am sorry about the loss of you cat, we lost Hattie also .

    • From Germany, I sent delicate gauze angels to my mother for Christmas. One year, I returned home to find that my three cats had removed every ornament from my tree, and carefully chewed up the angels. They did not play with normal cat toys, and there was a ringleader…

  13. Hello everyone, just got back from shopping. Happy Christmas everyone. Not sure if there is anyone left at the bar or not, but I think i will have a glass of white wine to relax.

  14. Slightly off topic, but I figured it’s the right time of year to dust off old myths, and quantom phenomenon – don’t look at santa or he can’t be everywhere at the same time
    so good children who stay in bed with their eyes closed (and don’t observe) get visited but to avoid getting himself tangled by any naughty children (the ones who are still up looking around at midnight) won’t get any santa visit.

    the other santa story I like is working out how fast santa would have to travel through the air even picking the quickest route and the most time available within the one day – and then working out the air resistance and how much heat is going to get absorbed by rudolf’s nose – which would why it was red or more likely black and charred along with the rest of that version of the myth.

    happy midwinter feast btw 🙂

      • or you can think of Santa as a ‘particle/wave’ bit like an electron

        the wave travels around the globe on ~Christmas eve (presumably at the stroke of midnight) but where exactly along that wavefront the santa particle is located is unknown

        The uncertainty priniciple apparently says you can’t know where and when he is at the same time.

        Everyone knows that Santa is ‘at the North pole’ and that’s where you’ll see him if you look.
        But also everyone knows that on christmas eve santa is “everywhere” (except in naughty children’s houses).

        I think there are also a few ‘santa waves’ or echoes at least – the chriskringle I think might be a santa foreshock, and then I think you also get belated santa aftershocks.

        so perhaps Lurking can plot the christmas Epicentre if we can find some arrival times?

  15. It seems that there are a few cat owners in the bar……..so for all ‘Cat employees’…
    a little bit of Alan Davies

    • Thanks, I will watch it later as I have to go do supper. I Like the cat employee’s bit, giggle. I just don’t like what I am paid. Hairballs…..

    • haha, o cats.

      How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you:
      http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=3782

      and 6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations

      #6. Meowing to Imitate a Baby Human
      #5. Leaving Their Poop Uncovered As An Insult
      #4. Rubbing Against You to Declare Ownership
      #3. Imitating Snakes to Intimidate You
      #2. Obsessively Getting Rid of the Stench of Humans
      #1. Bringing Home Dead Animals to Show You Suck at Hunting

      http://www.cracked.com/article/226_6-adorable-cat-behaviors-with-shockingly-evil-explanations/#ixzz1hQ5Elvjz

      • LOL! I believe that cats eat their prey’s head first. This is why they say that if you die with cats in the house, you will be found without a face. I had a cat that left me countless headless gifts. He’d drag his kill to the back door and eat its head. Made me want to puke, but he was a fantastic hunter. I once had to rescue a sightless mole that he had dug up.

        My oldest cat is very elderly but still has the hunting skills. Any field mouse that ventures in can kiss it goodbye. This is the chief function of a cat. But, now you say that this is practice?? OMG…

  16. @Edward,
    “But also everyone knows that on christmas eve santa is “everywhere”…”
    This is a little mystery. But since yesterday I know HOW Santa can be everywhere on christmas eve. It is only virtual: Santa knows how to slow down time in the place where he is without the rest of the world noticing. So he can visit billions of children in one evening… I learned this yesterday from the most beautiful movie I’ve seen in ages: “Miracle on 34th Street” (1994) with my favourite actrice, little Mary Wilson.
    This is the trailer:

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